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Summary

In this conversation, Dani Cooper, Enneagram coach and author of The Enneagram for Christian Couples, discusses the importance of effective communication for fostering love and thriving relationships. She provides insights and tips for each Enneagram type to enhance their communication skills.

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Healthy Relationships Series

🎙️ Episodes in the Healthy Relationships Series

• How Each Enneagram Type Can Create Healthy Relationships | Suzanne Stabile (Ep. 1)
• What Each Enneagram Type Looks Like in Love | Steph Barron Hall (Ep. 2)
• What May Not Be Serving Your Relationships for Each Enneagram Type | Sarajane Case (Ep. 3)
• Relationship Tips for Each Enneagram Type | Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober (Ep. 4)
• 3 Ways Each Enneagram Type Can Improve Their Marriage | Christa Hardin (Ep. 5)
• Healthy Communication for All Enneagram Types | Dani Cooper (Ep. 6)

The Guest

👉🏼 Follow Dani Cooper

https://www.deepwatersenneagram.com/

Read The Transcript

Tyler Zach (00:20)

Welcome to Typish, an Enneagram podcast where we explore how your personality shows up in all of life. I'm your host Tyler Zach, and in each episode I connect you with leading experts on how your personality impacts your relationships, mental health, spirituality, and everything in between.

We are wrapping up our six-week series called Healthy Relationships today. If you want the bullet point notes for all six episodes right now so that you can take this teaching with you forever, you can click on the link below in the show notes and download that PDF as a free gift.

We kicked off this series with Suzanne Stabile and also heard from other great teachers like Sarah Jane Case, Christa Hardin, and Steph Barron-Hall. And today, Dani Cooper is going to finish off the series. Dani is the author of The Enneagram for Christian Couples, a guide to understanding your personality types and deepening your relationships. She is a certified Enneagram teacher and coach for individuals, couples, and teams. You can find her and her work at deepwatersenneagram.com or on Instagram at deepwatersenneagram.

Today's episode features a portion of a conversation with Dani Cooper that originally aired at my Enneagram Summit on love and relationships. In this episode, Dani and I explore what effective communication looks like for all nine Enneagram types. The insights you're about to hear are not just helpful for romantic relationships — they're truly game-changers for friendships, work relationships, and every connection in life. So let's dive in.

Dani (01:59)

I love that you featured a talk on communication, because when you're talking about relationships, every relationship is built on a foundation of communication. Whether that's good or bad depends on the communicators involved, but it's the foundation for how that relationship is going to go.

And if you think about relationships, one of the most common problems that you hear about — or that you experience yourself — is communication issues. We all know people who are kind of difficult to communicate with, whether it's that they seem really sensitive, or they seem like they don't care what we're saying, or maybe their attention isn't with us when we're trying to talk to them. Or maybe we've been perceived as communicating really poorly. We all have relationships that have kind of gone off the rails because of a communication issue.

So learning how to improve that communication is really vital to having good relationships. And if we're honest, having good relationships is what helps us have a really good life. You know what I mean, right, Tyler?

Tyler Zach (03:10)

It really is the key. If you can learn how to listen better and repeat back what people are telling you, it can resolve a lot of misunderstanding. And that's where the Enneagram is really helpful too, because it can help you name things that you haven't really thought about before. A lot of times when we're arguing, it's just competing values. We're both fighting for something different — and if you can name the value that you're fighting for, communicate it, and get it out there, that can bring a lot more understanding. So I'm excited for the conversation today.

Dani (03:39)

Yeah. And what you're talking about with understanding is that we're also increasing connection. What we all want at the end of the day is to have secure connections and feel like other people are connecting with us. And good communication is one of the best ways to do that.

So we want to improve our communication to strengthen those relationships, strengthen that connection, and basically improve our lives. It's not just about us trying to be heard — it's also about really understanding the person that we're speaking to and how they're receiving things.

Just like with using the Enneagram, we want to learn all we can about ourselves and the lens that we have on life and how we see everything that happens. It starts with us — we want to know ourselves. But if we only say things the way we'd like to hear them, then we're just talking to ourselves, and connection really breaks down.

So the second part of this is that we need to understand our hearer — the other person in the relationship. It could be a coworker, it could be your child, and it's definitely better if we can understand our partners. Just knowing who we're talking to and how they need to be talked to in order to feel safe and engage in the conversation is really, really important.

We all have situations where we've listened to a podcast or watched a show and just had to turn it off because we didn't like how that person was communicating. That's a real breakdown in connection. So we don't want to be that person — annoying or unlistening. Knowing ourselves and knowing who we're talking to is really, really important if we don't want to break that connection.

Tyler Zach (05:50)

So do you want to start with your type — Type One?

Dani (05:53)

All right. So — it is not personal, Tyler, when the Ones in your life are trying to make sure all your ducks are in a row. It's honestly just them bringing your awareness to little tiny details that you don't actually love anyway. I know deep down you're grateful for your Ones.

But Ones, if you're doing this to people, make sure you understand how it can feel. And also recognize how much dualism there is in your speech. You can come across as communicating like something is good or bad, right or wrong. We use the word "should" a lot, and that can make people feel really uncomfortable — like if they have a way that's more in the gray or different from what you're suggesting, it somehow feels wrong. And that's not the case. That's where we need to grow as Ones: seeing all that other possibility outside of just those two poles.

But if you're talking to a One, keep in mind that it's not personal, and they actually do prefer you to be direct with them. So you could say, "Hey, I feel like you're saying I'm doing this wrong." Asking that question back can be really helpful for both of you, because then the One goes, "Oh, okay — that's not what I meant. I just wanted to suggest this or that."

And the flip side is: if you have criticism for them, being gentle is really important. You're going to get your best out of a One if you can affirm them and let them know how helpful they are. Telling them they've done really well on something, or that you appreciate how hard they're working, is really important. Peppering your conversation with things that build them up makes anything you need to say to a One so much more likely to be received with grace and understanding.

Tyler Zach (07:57)

Ones are hardest on themselves. They don't need another critic — inner or outer. So come to them with grace and be a gracious voice in their life.

Dani (08:05)

We need it so much. Okay, Twos. Twos love to communicate. If you have a Two in your life, you know that generally they are very verbal and use a lot of words. And if you're a Two, you should be aware of that — you have a lot of words to share every day, and verbal processing really feels good to you. It makes you feel connected to the person you're talking to and it's cathartic.

But you need to be aware that not everyone is a great candidate for your verbal processing. We want to know our audience, because what can happen is if you're communicating with someone who's not in a space to verbally process with you, you can end up feeling hurt, or like they don't want to listen, or that they don't care — which is your kryptonite. So adjusting your communication and really understanding whether it's a good environment for that is really, really important for Twos.

The other thing is Twos can be pretty intuitive. Use that intuition to gauge whether the audience is ready for verbal processing. But also be aware that you might be picking up on how other people are feeling and pushing them to share that — and not everyone will want to share as deeply as you want to know what's going on. So be aware of those two things if you're a Two.

Now if you're talking to a Two, have grace for the fact that they may use more words than you might use all day long. They really do feel connected to you when you listen to what they have to say. Remember, they need to feel wanted, needed, and loved. However you can communicate with them in a way that meets those needs — that will actually help them open up to you and maybe even share a need of their own. Letting them know how much you love and appreciate them and care for them is going to open doors for moving forward with the Two and helping each of you feel really heard and valued in the relationship.

Tyler Zach (10:27)

So if you're a Two, realize that other people might not use lots of words as their primary way of giving and receiving love. You might have a Five who just wants to sit in a coffee shop with you — and that feels like connection to them without necessarily involving lots of talking. But also for Twos — let's create space for their words. Let's create space for them to text us multiple times throughout the day, because that's their way of connecting. And instead of getting annoyed by that, listen to them. That communicates: I want you.

Dani (10:55)

Yeah. And even if you're a Two, if you're aware of needing to process something with someone, even just giving them a heads up — "Hey, this thing is going on. Can I vent to you real quick?" — and just testing the space. It might be a smart way to go into that. Someone might say, "Yeah, totally, I'm here to listen." Just taking that little extra step to understand what you need and asking if they can give it — that's going to open up the door for you to walk into that situation in a better way.

Tyler Zach (11:49)

Great, very helpful.

Dani (11:51)

Okay, Threes. Some of our more assertive-stance people are just busy people. Their mind is on what's going to happen later today or the things they still need to do. Threes definitely fall into this category — there's a lot on their plate and a lot they want to get done in a day.

So my main advice to a Three is to be really present with the person you're talking to. That can be really hard if you feel like you have a lot going on and maybe you're in a conversation with someone you know is going to take a long time to get to the point. If you're tempted to be too efficient or too goal-oriented, it might make other people feel really rushed. So communicating at the beginning of the conversation helps — something like, "I don't have a lot of time, but I really want to hear what you have to say." That primes the time for how much can actually be said. Other people don't care quite as much about efficiency and goal-crushing, so making space for that if you can — and communicating it if you actually can't, maybe making a plan to talk later — goes a long way.

The other thing for Threes is people might come at you with how they're feeling, and that might feel uncomfortable for a Three who wants to deal with that kind of thing later — after the work is done, after the to-do list is finished. Be aware of that happening in yourself and get curious about it. Why does that bother me so much? What does that say? What do I need to look at?

So if you're talking to a Three, keep in mind that they are busy people with a lot on their minds. Just because they seem preoccupied doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about what you're saying. It just may feel uncomfortable for them to slow their pace enough to really give you presence. You can help by saying, "Hey, do you have about 10 minutes? I need to unpack this with you. Do you have that time for me?" That gives them the opportunity to say yes, or that a later time would be better. Letting them know how long you want to talk helps it fit into their schedule — so they can give you their full attention and then put their focus back on the things they feel they need to do that day.

Tyler Zach (14:58)

That's great. If you schedule a meeting with a Three versus interrupting them in the middle of work — or like date night, those planned times for communication — you're going to get so much more out of a Three. Like you said, "Can I have 10 minutes of your time?" or "Can we put a meeting on your calendar this week?" or "Can we do date night?" Those spaces will give you the real Three.

Dani (15:24)

You'll get the real deal. That's what we want. Okay. Type Fours and communication. A Three is very different than a Four. We're in more of a withdrawing stance when we move into Four space — and you'll feel that. It's not that Fours are completely withdrawn or aren't good communicators. Totally the opposite.

But Fours are looking for something different than mundane conversations. And if you think about the bulk of people's conversations, it's like, oh, the weather is this, my kid is doing this, this thing happened at work — and it's just not very meaty for a Four. So if you're a Four, you know this. But not everyone can go deep with you right away, and some people can't go deep at all.

The thing is: don't make that mean that they don't like you. If they want to stay with light subjects and things feel mundane, you don't have to write off that relationship just because it's not as deep and meaningful as you'd like it to be. Your work is to chat about those everyday things that you don't really care about — they're just part of being human. Just like all the deep and meaningful things, it's another side of humanity that can actually be really connective. Even if it feels boring to you, it feels connective to other people. And when you can get on that level too, the likelihood that they'll want to share something deeper over time really increases.

So that's my biggest advice for a Four. And if you're someone talking to a Four, know that they are wonderful, beautiful containers for the parts of your life that you might not want to share with just anyone.

Fours are also long processors. So if you share something with a Four and they get quiet, don't take that as them not hearing you or not caring. They're probably thinking about what they'd like to say or how they can connect with you about that. They're deep feelers and deep thinkers. You can even say, "I noticed you got quiet there — would you mind sharing what you felt about that?" Giving a Four an invitation to share how they feel is a really great move. It's something they're looking for, even if they don't immediately jump at it. Just having that door open gives them the idea that you really care about the things that are meaningful to them.

Fours will talk about all sorts of things with you if you're up for it. This back-and-forth connection — coming a little outside of ourselves, giving a little bit — can result in a depth of connection that couldn't be there otherwise.

Tyler Zach (18:59)

I love that tip of asking a Four, "Hey, what do you feel? What are you thinking?" Because they long to have someone pursue them and draw out the things that are most important to them. That tip right there will go a long way — it hits that need to feel understood, to have somebody pursue them. It just hits all those things.

Dani (19:26)

Yes. Okay, Type Fives. Fives are another withdrawing stance. And sometimes you'll feel that from Fives — a real physical setting-apart, just because they tend to observe and investigate things. They can gather so much information from just being an observer, where some of the rest of us are busy chatting or getting into the mix and missing things because we're too close to it. So Fives offer this ability to get a bird's-eye view or a really objective perspective.

But Fives need to be aware that this can make them seem really aloof and uninterested to people — when that's not really the case at all. If you're a Five, you could be very engaged, just more at a distance. So challenge yourself to move in 10% more, to engage just a tiny bit more if you can. Sharing a bit of yourself is a really great way to build connection. People think Fives don't want to connect, and that's really not true — they really do want to connect.

And then there's the energy question, which is the elephant in the room with Fives. If it's feeling overwhelming, if getting too involved in the mix is getting to be too much — not that all Fives are introverted, but all Fives do feel like they have a bit less energy than the rest of us — communication is key here as well. It's perfectly okay to say, "I need a little break, I'll be back" or "I need to go." What is not okay is to just vaporize — to disappear from wherever you are without communicating that you needed to go. People are generally gracious and understanding if you just give them the information they need to know. So don't be afraid to communicate when you need a break — and do move in a little bit and share a little bit more of yourself. That will go a long way in connecting you to others.

If you're talking to a Five, really realize how much it costs a Five to share, to put themselves in a situation they know might drain them. Have a lot of compassion for how much that feels like it drains their battery. Be cognizant of how long you're talking or if you're pushing them too much. And watch for signs that your Five is ready to go.

On the other side — if you want to get a Five talking, ask them about something they're really, really interested in. They can get very, very talkative if you're on a subject they love. Those are my tips for Fives.

Tyler Zach (23:00)

I think of the pool illustration for Fives — you can start at the shallow end by talking about what they're learning. Even if you're not that interested, that's a starting place to get to the deep end with them, where the emotions and the softer stuff are. Talking about what they're learning is a great starting place.

Dani (23:07)

Yeah, I love that. All right, Type Sixes. Sixes are so interesting because they can be so shy or so bold — it just depends on the context. Sometimes you don't know what you're going to get with a Six. But something that's always simmering underneath the surface is the self-doubt they feel.

If you can understand that the questions they're asking are serving the purpose of helping them feel more safe and secure — helping them put their fears to sleep a little — then you can really answer their questions with understanding and compassion rather than annoyance. Because my tendency is to meet a question like that with annoyance: "Why don't you trust me? Why all these questions?" So understanding that their questions aren't personal — even if they feel like they're challenging your ideas or methods — is the foundation for talking to a Six.

In a way, it's really good to have their questions in our lives. They're helping us spot potholes in our plans, and they're giving themselves a sense of safety too. On the flip side, Sixes — your questions can make the person you're talking to feel uncertain. You might be creating certainty for yourself, but it can have the opposite effect on them. Sometimes it makes me doubt myself when a lot of questions are coming at me. I can feel interrogated. So I'm not saying get rid of the questions. I'm saying, first of all, understand where they're coming from.

And here's my invitation to Sixes: your questions are serving to get you more information to help you feel safe. But I want to encourage you to go inward and understand how much information you already have. Often you're asking questions to things you already know the answer to, if you're honest. Your job in life is to keep cultivating self-trust — to keep going back to the knowledge and wisdom that's already in you.

Here's the secret: we trust Sixes. They are so trustworthy. They're often the only ones who don't trust themselves. Everyone around them trusts Sixes because we know they're wise and thoughtful. So your job, Sixes, is to join the party and realize that you're as trustworthy as we think you are.

Tyler Zach (26:35)

Beautiful. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. I think Sixes and Eights in particular need to communicate their values — otherwise they're going to be severely misunderstood. My wife is a self-preservation Six, so she comes across very warm, and it's a way of securing the relationships around her that will support her and keep her safe. But for the social Six and the sexual Six, the subtypes are a little more cool, or harder to read. And the counter-phobic Sixes can come off as aggressive.

My son is a counter-phobic Six and uses his communication to test me. If he knew what he was doing and could instead say, "Dad, I'm just trying to figure out if I can trust you" — instead of saying things that test me to find out if I'm trustworthy — all of a sudden my empathy goes way up. But without that, he's pushing me away and I can't give him what he actually wants. It can have the opposite effect and create more disconnection.

Dani (27:48)

Yes. Otherwise he's pushing you away and you don't want to give him what he wants — which is the exact opposite of what he's going for. Right.

Tyler Zach (27:55)

Okay, Type Sevens.

Dani (27:55)

All right, Sevens. My biggest advice for Sevens is to make sure that you're bringing your hearer along when you're talking. Everybody loves a Seven. Sevens are amazing storytellers — we actually love your stories. But if you can tell them in sequence, that helps us. My best friend is a Seven, and so is my son. They start their stories at the most exciting part, or at the part that impacted them most, and then back up to give context. That's really exciting for them, but it's confusing to the rest of us sometimes. Telling them in sequence helps us follow along and really be engaged in your story — which is totally what you want.

So a good practice for Sevens is, as you're telling a story, to ask a question of whoever you're talking to — to make sure they're along with you and to remind yourself that you're in a two-way conversation. Allow space for your partner to comment. That also gives you a break, slowing your roll and remembering that you want the other person to feel a part of the conversation.

Ultimately, Sevens just want to entertain and be heard, just like the rest of us. So if they can remember to tune into their hearer, they can get the full effect they're really going for. And if you're talking to a Seven, you're going to be regaled with stories, but they can be off to the races without a rider sometimes. So if you need clarification, just speak up: "Wait, hold up — how did you get to this part? Tell me more about that." This is going to do two things: it will catch you up, and it will help the Seven know that you want to be engaged in their story. More than anything, a Seven wants you to be into it. Asking a question communicates that you really want to hear from them.

The other thing is Sevens need you to react. They want you to show enthusiasm — "Oh my gosh, that's incredible!" or "What?!" Anything like that is going to really encourage the Seven and make them feel like you're into their story and that they're valued. If each person in the conversation can do those things, you're going to get some great stories, you're going to be entertained, and you're going to feel really connected.

Tyler Zach (30:50)

I think of Sevens as being next to a vending machine. Whenever anybody says anything, the Seven's brain is always firing. You say one word and in their head they think A4 — they go to the vending machine, hit A4, and a story pops out: "Oh, I have a story for that!" You say three more words — "Oh, B5! I got a story for that too!" They can't help themselves because their brains are firing on all cylinders. So just realizing that and trying to talk 50% of the time will be really helpful.

Dani (31:33)

That is incredible — because it's so true. They have the fastest processors. In just a moment they can pull up something and be like, "Oh yeah, I can talk about that with you." And that feels so connected to a Seven. But just watch your audience. Make sure your hearer is coming along with you. If you lose them, then both of you feel kind of weird about the whole thing. So just be aware.

Tyler Zach (32:08)

That's great. Okay, let's move to Eights.

Dani (32:09)

All right. Whenever I talk about Eights in communication, I know Eights get tired of hearing this — but being mindful of your intensity is the thing you've got to pay attention to. When we think about Eights, we've got passion, intensity, so much realness. These are messages and ideas and opinions and passions that need to come through and can really impact the world. So if you have something that important to share, you have got to be extra careful to communicate it in a way that you will be heard and that your hearer will be receptive to.

I'm not saying tone it down. I'm not saying don't be so direct. I'm saying be wise. You have a gift, and you need to use it with wisdom and gentle application, because it's such a powerful message and a powerful presence that you bring. Know your audience. Watch your intensity — because your intensity can feel like anger to us. We might be thinking, "Why are you mad at me right now?" And the Eight is like, "I'm not mad. You haven't even seen mad. I'm just trying to get across to you something I care really deeply about."

So keep that in mind. I think Eights know this, and I think they also get kind of ticked about it — "Why can't people just be stronger?" Well, we're all just different. You're an Eight for a reason, and I'm not. If you want to communicate well with me, you're going to keep both of those things in mind and use your powers with a lot of wisdom.

If you're talking to an Eight, you may be resonating with what I'm saying about how intense that feels. Keep in mind — it's not personal. They're not mad in the way that you and I get mad. The anger you're experiencing is really just the sense of aliveness they feel when communicating about something they're passionate about. But here's the thing: if you want an Eight to hear you back, you're going to need to meet that energy. They want to feel met in a relationship. So if they're really worked up about something, it can help to meet that energy and say, "Yeah, that drives me crazy too" or "I really feel that when you say that."

And something that helps an Eight in conversation: try to get underneath what feels like anger by saying something like, "Wow, it sounds like you really feel deeply about that. It sounds like you really care about that subject." That helps them practice being in touch with some of their softer feelings. Because Eights are real big feelers — sometimes my Eights get mad at me for telling all their secrets, that they're just soft and gooey on the inside. But it's really true.

Eights, we love your power. We love your intensity, especially when it's towards something really meaningful. But we love your soft side too, and it's honestly the purest and most powerful side of you. So if you can do these things in your relationships — whether you're an Eight or you're talking to an Eight — just think of the power you can channel in really amazing and impactful ways.

Tyler Zach (35:54)

Yes, I agree with all of that. I started co-leading with a social Eight who grew up in the Black church. And every Eight wants to go preach in a Black church, because when you say something, people stand up, people clap, people respond — and that's actually just being human. That's actually more like a real conversation. You say something and people respond. It's actually kind of awkward to talk and have nobody say anything or give no energy back.

So I learned that, and just how beautiful that is. And now I respond with energy, because it's just fun to be human that way. That's what we can do for our Eights — when they say something, say something back. "Yes." "Keep talking." We can do that for our Eights. But on the Eight's side, as you mentioned, if they can get more vulnerable, it will actually increase connection and cause other people to lean in to them.

Dani (37:04)

Yeah, it's always fun to talk about Eights. I think they are on that emotional edge because it's turned up so high that it can flip to a vulnerable, tender side so easily — they can access the depths of the other side, the anger and the strong emotions, just as quickly. The world needs Eights for sure. And it needs both of those sides so much.

Tyler Zach (37:29)

Yes, yes. Okay, Nines — we haven't forgotten about you.

Dani (37:32)

And I am always so happy that Eights and Nines are next to each other on the Enneagram. It's kind of like when you're a parent of young kids and you want your kids sitting next to somebody who's going to bring out the good in them. I think Eights and Nines are seated next to each other because they have so much in common and so much to meld and learn from each other.

So Nines are easy to talk to. If you're talking to a Nine, they'll let you talk all day. If you're somebody who wants to take over the conversation and have it be all about you, a Nine is probably going to let you do that. Please don't. But Nines make it seem so easy to just talk and talk — they don't seem to have any opinions, they're just there to listen. This is not the case. They are actually not as easygoing on the inside as they seem on the outside, and they have a ton of opinions.

So if you're talking to a Nine, don't just talk about yourself. Notice if that's happening — they'll let you — and throw the conversation back to them. It's helpful to ask them questions and let them know you really want to hear their thoughts. With the caveat that they don't always have an answer ready to give you. So allow space for that. They may say they don't really know about something, but I think they really do — they may just have to think about it a little bit. And remember, it feels uncomfortable to share opinions if doing so might create a break in connection for a Nine. They really want connection — they're one of the types that suffers most from feeling a lack of it. So letting you do most of the talking is actually a way for them to feel connected to you. But we do want to hear from you, Nines.

So watch for Nines agreeing with you about everything. Sometimes they do that just to maintain connection — they'll be nodding and you'll think you've reached an agreement, and then later the Nine is like, "Wait, what? I was just being personable." So if there's something important, following up with a Nine is always a good idea. "Hey, remember we talked about this thing — I wondered if you had any more thoughts on it. I'd love to hear them." They are longer processors and will come up with amazing things if you just give them time and space.

So if you're a Nine: people really want to know what's going on in you. We know you'll let us talk all day, but to get the connection you really want, you have to share some of your thoughts and opinions. This is why I'm glad Eight and Nine sit next to each other on the Enneagram — because you could use some of that Eight energy: "Here's what I think. Here's what I feel. And it's okay for me to express that."

I challenged the Five to get a little closer in, and I'm challenging the Nine too: practice 10% more in your next conversation. Maybe even think about answers to questions you might get asked in a situation beforehand, so you have some things ready. And don't be afraid to ask for time. Say, "Gosh, that's a great question — I'd love to think about that and get back to you." That's a really brave and bold move, and people want to know your thoughts. They truly do. You have a lot to say, Nines, and we really do need you to say it.

Tyler Zach (41:58)

That's good. And I think I learned one of those tips from you early on — that was really helpful, and I continue to share it with Nines. And that is to think about what you're going to say beforehand. In a business setting or even an important marriage conversation, think about what you want to say. Why am I feeling this way? What do I want? Think through those things and then write them down — in a Moleskine, on a piece of paper, in your phone notes.

And then when you come to that important conversation, or you walk into the boardroom or the meeting room at work, you have your bullet points ready. You can speak up right away. You don't have to wait for other people to talk first while you're still processing in real time and never quite get around to sharing.

Dani (42:34)

Yes! Walk into the meeting and be the first one who says something — that's a serious way to boss up. And I would even piggyback on that and say: practice with small things. Know where you want to go to dinner. The classic example is Nines not knowing where they want to go to dinner — but practice having an answer for something really simple, so you can warm up that muscle of being able to have a strong opinion right in the moment.

Tyler Zach (43:13)

Well, we made it around all nine types. This was a really fun and valuable conversation.

Dani (43:15)

I am really grateful to be here. I'm thankful to have a platform like this that people can access for free. The Enneagram is for everyone. It has something to teach us all about who we are, who we truly are — and so much to teach us about who we are in relationship with and who we're doing life with.

I just hope that this helps us all develop more compassion for ourselves and for the other people in our lives, because our world needs love, compassion, and better relationships all across the board. So thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.

Tyler Zach (44:13)

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Before you go, let me ask you to reflect on this: As you listened to Dani today, which tip resonated most with you? And what's one small step you can take to make your communication more effective today?

Remember — most problems in our relationships stem from miscommunication. So take what you learned today and see what becomes possible when clarity replaces assumptions.